Oh. I’d forgotten how much fun waking up in a panic attack wasn’t. This might have something to do with having to call for a Limited Work Capability questionnaire (done!), but I still can’t breathe. I have to go out for a parcel! I’d planned to make some progress on a cardigan, which is going to look great on top of the Catbus t-shirt I just ordered! (I had to talk to the DWP, I deserved it). I have to go to Krav tonight, and though lots of exercise helps reduce the frequency of panic attacks, having a panic attack before I go out doesn’t help me get out! Aaaaargh.
Couldn’t be bothered to shower at the gym, went back to Unknown Kadath via Tesco and left all my clothes on the living room floor. Am now looking for a zombie comedy (research!) and hoping I’ve got some leggings here, as another pair of tracksuit trousers may be on their last legs.
Planning an outfit for Torture Garden- I have a parcel to pick up which hopefully will be the leggings I ordered for it (and a cute new swimming costume). Even more hopefully, the leggings won’t be too small…
Someone on LJ was talking about potentially creepy guys, which had me commenting about how when I end up in similar situations I drop the Dweller into the conversation as soon as possible (there have been a lot of knitting projects that I have lied about being for him, put it that way), and sometimes I’ve thought about buying a fake wedding ring and upgrading him, especially if I’m going to be somewhere that’s mostly male-dominated (my Krav class is not somewhere I have this trouble, but I worry that if I want to start learning wrestling and grappling then I should be prepared for assumptions). Which I hate because one, I should be allowed to get on with things instead of having to make nice to some guy who might be Schrodinger’s Rapist (or at least, one of the many who go from from ‘hey talk to me :)’ to ‘UGLY BITCH I WAS TRYING TO BE NICE D:’ in 0-60), and two, really, I have to mention my boyfriend to get some peace? To say hey, I’m taken, go bother some other girl who’s just trying to get into town without having to smile through gritted teeth? Aaaargh.
I know I’m overdoing it at the gym, but it seems to stop that awful panicky feeling of breathing not doing me any good. Also, I’m going to be a zombie, so it can’t hurt to try and get more cardio in…
Good grief, when did it get so late?! Time to get my trainers on and get out!
The Dweller has left for a walking holiday and I miss him already. It’s great that he’s going, he needs the break, and I am tickled that he’s taken my owl hat for emergencies, but selfishly I am a bit grumpy and wish he was staying home. Hmph. Oh well, he’ll be back Thursday, and in the meantime I might just take advantage of his Netflix…
I cannot read my entire Tumblr dashboard back to where I stopped last time unless I want to spend a good part of my life at the laptop! This has not helped my plan to go to the gym, then Krav.
Distressing. Zombie school for 2.8 Hours Later is next weekend, and I am not fit D:
Bright daffodil yellow is not one bit my colour, but I have a vest in it which is just crying out to be worn with my orange crocus skirt. For two pins I’d wear it to Bedlam tonight, but it’s an outfit that demands confidence, and probably sunlight.
Went looking for furniture with the Dweller earlier, which was sort of fun, except I had irrational panic and spent the entire time feeling like I couldn’t breathe. Also vague guilt, as I feel like I make him more susceptible to purchases- there was a gorgeous book case, but Ikea have book cases for far cheaper. Not as pretty, but at least it would get the bloody things off the floor… Hm. Something to come back to, when I’m not trying to remember if a certain dress is clean.
Tonight is probably going to be for lying around knitting and watching Archer- I want to go to the gym, but I will wait another day for my thumb and knee to feel better. Also, I feel pleasantly lazy, and want to lie around wearing not very much.
I’m sort of wondering how to support someone who’s made vague reference to gender issues, and if there’s anything practical I can do. I found him a nice nightie so hopefully he can stop wearing his dress to bed, and got some girl underwear, because not having hips means my stuff doesn’t fit. I am now going to try to shut up on the subject in case he feels nagged about it.
Tomorrow is for the gym, steak dinner, and cocktails! Nom.
The guy from Ground Control, who I remember quite fancying, and very much not being alone in that at the Mission was in the pub tonight. He manages to look quite a lot like he did then, but also like time has not been kind to him. I think my perspective has changed to what I fondly think of as evolve or die, so it’s another reinforcement of the belief that what you wore ten years ago doesn’t necessarily suit you now. But I also want to think that you should wear what makes you happy- certainly some of my outfits are unflattering, but I like them. I think the reasonable response here is to be glad that I’ve moved on, even if it’s not necessarily for everyone, and have another drink (also, as he never gave me a second look, to have a quiet snigger and look fondly at the Dweller. I am only mature like a cheese).